The Long Road (Wonderland II)

♫ Gee but it's great to be back home,
Home is where I want to be.
I've been on the road so long my friend,
And if you came along
I know you couldn't disagree. ♫
---
♫ And I'm sooo tired,
I'm oh oh oh so tired… ♫
---
Paul Simon, Keep the Customer Satisfied

There really is a Paul Simon quote for every occasion.
Well, at least if you twist it just a little bit out of context ;) …

---

No, this is not where I live. And I’m grateful.

I decided to take a walk through this residential area after having been to visit my dad in the short-stay nursing home where he has now spent a month. (A month?!) (The nursing home is not quite in this area either, but close to it.)

It was probably almost 20 years since I last walked this way. Back then, I had friends living there. I realized as I walked there now that I had forgotten quite how large that whole suburb part of town really is. And how much everything looks alike. (From the main road passing by one really does not see half of it.)

 
Suburb watercolour painting by Lars Lerin

The long walk, however, is not really why I felt “oh oh oh so tired” when I got back. (I did not walk the whole way home, I took the bus part of the way.)

The reason I was at the nursing home was a meeting with a lot of people to discuss the future living arrangements for my dad. The lot of people included at least three from the nursing home + the municipality assistance evaluator + district nurse + me + dad.

All very nice people, I’m sure, but considering that dad sort of lives in his own Wonderland these days (i.e. a place where normal rules do not quite apply) I was not sure how he might react to the idea of not returning home to live but being sent somewhere else.

I’m still not sure. He did not protest but I’m also not really sure how much of it he took in.

The result of the meeting was that he will remain at the short-stay place for another month. In September there will hopefully be a place at a nursing home unit for elderly people with dementia in the village where he grew up and then also lived the past 18 years.

There is one Crux though. For mysterious reasons there still seems to be a lack of formal “evidence” that he in fact suffers from dementia. (Without which he cannot be offered a place at that unit.) Even though everyone in that room knew it to be so, they said there was no official record of where the diagnosis came from. (Although I do know where it comes from, and I’ve told a lot of people that along the way.)

It also seems no one during all this time has thought of doing a certain test that is commonly used to prove it (MMSE = mini mental state examination – I know the gist of it since the years I worked as a medical secretary). Apparently this test has to be done by a specialist nurse to be valid. And the specialist nurse is (of course) on vacation just now. So they’ll try to find another specialist nurse to do it as soon as possible.

 

In the meantime, while the evaluator asked dad questions like if he himself thought that he would be able to go back home to live – and dad answered that he’d like to think that he could… (actually with sort of a glimpse of his old self shining through in a bit of irony) … I decided to instead ask him (in the presence of the whole lot of people) if he could tell them where exactly it was that he had been living before he had to go into the hospital five weeks ago? He could not. He named a completely different village where he has never lived. (And he does not remember the going into hospital part either.)

It really is “oh oh oh” so difficult to try and understand which paths he’s walking in his mind.

Earlier, before the whole lot of people arrived, he asked me if I had any contact with --- these days. A name I did not recognize at all. When I did not understand, he added: “You know. Your mum.” (The name he mentioned started with the same initial as mum’s, but that’s all.) And then, with sudden hesitation: “Or is she still alive…”

And I had to tell him again, that no… So sorry, but mum died last year. Also tried to remind him of the fact that it was he himself who used his security alarm to call for help when she had a stroke one evening at home, but that she died shortly after arriving in hospital. I guess to him… having a very fuzzy memory indeed now of the past few years… it must seem that she just sort of disappeared… Perhaps gradually. Like the Chesire cat.

That, and more, is why I felt ”sooo tired - oh oh oh so tired” - when I got back home to my own home (which luckily does not feel as gloomy to me as that residential area in pictures above).

Before I allowed myself to lie down and rest, though, I decided to dig through a pile of papers in search of one I knew must be there, somewhere... I found it. The Evidence. A copy of dad’s release form from two weeks evaluation at the Neurology ward two years ago. It clearly states one of his diagnoses back then to be beginning vascular dementia. (What was beginning then, has grown since.) I phoned the district nurse, and I’m sending her a copy of it.

♦ ♣ ♥ ♠

"What do you know about this business?" the King said to Alice.

"Nothing," said Alice.

"Nothing whatever?" persisted the King.

"Nothing whatever," said Alice.

"That's very important," the King said, turning to the jury. They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit interrupted: "Unimportant, your Majesty means, of course," he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.

"Unimportant, of course, I meant," the King hastily said, and went on to himself in an undertone, "important -- unimportant -- important -- -" as if he were trying which word sounded best.

Some of the jury wrote it down "important," and some "unimportant." Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates; "but doesn't matter a bit," she thought to herself.

At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in his note-book, called out "Silence!" and read out from his book, "Rule Forty-two. All persons more than a mile high to leave the court."

Everybody looked at Alice.

Alice in Wonderland Ch 12 – Alice's Evidence

The Troubles of Today

(Readers are advised to read yesterday's posts before this one.)

Sorry, Jesus! For once (-?-) I have to argue with you: I actually think a bit more worry yesterday might have saved at least about a dozen people a lot of trouble today. I  would not even be surprised if today shortened my own or someone else's life by a few hours, but that will of course be hard to prove...

I'm lying in bed now, at four in the afternoon, and don't have enough writing energy to go into details. But to sum up: All that came out of today was that some blood samples got taken that should have been taken a week before, which  could have been done locally without going to the hospital in town. Since it was not, all the rest of today's hospital visit was a total waste of time and energy for me, dad, busy specialist doctor, several nurses, receptionists, drivers and others...

Well. One more lesson learned: Next time, home care staff will have to accompany dad to the hospital, even if I sit in on the actual talk with the doctor. What was I thinking?! What was anyone thinking?! "Good will" is not enough to get through a day like today. My dad needs a lot more physical assistance than I can provide; and don't think that just because you're in a hospital, there is always staff at hand... If I knew who to yell at, I'd yell. Loud. However, I don't really know who to blame... Lots of individuals today went out of their way to be helpful; the fault is not with any of them. Tomorrow, I'll try to phone Someone In Charge and talk calmly about how to avoid the whole thing from being repeated...

Thanks to all who responded to my worries from yesterday and who have been thinking and praying. Keep it up, please. I'll need it.

The Worries of Tomorrow

In spite of the quotation I just posted - "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself" - my thoughts will not quite let go. Home care staff phoned at noon and assumed I knew my dad has a hospital appointment tomorrow. I did not. I also don't know how long they have known; or how long dad himself has known. Anyway, now I can no longer claim ignorance, and will have to accompany him. That is, they are going to put him in a taxi and expect me to be there when he arrives and take it from there. Dad himself has no idea what kind of specialist it is that he is going to see or why (I talked to dad after I talked to the staff). I have some idea, but am confused, since I thought this was something that had already been dealt with and decided not to proceed with. I'm trying very hard just now to postpone the worries until tomorrow. Actually not so much worries about what the specialist might have to say - that I can postpone until I know. What my mind is circling around is the details of how to get dad and myself through the practical procedures and the maze of hospital corridors tomorrow. I might be able to be of some intellectual support, but when it comes to physical support, don't try to lean on me...! Waiting is not what I'm best at, either - in a physically upright position.

Walking My Camera

I love autumn leaves

Typical behaviour pattern this September month:
I discovered a letter today that I really should have posted last week, and which my dad really really should have posted two weeks before that; only (besides the fact he has not been able to walk to the mailbox for a long time) he had not even opened and read the letter which the return form came in (when I visited him last weekend); and then I too had too many other things to deal with last week, so forgot about this piece of paper; and only re-found it today... (In the meantime, it is more than likely this delay may have resulted in more correspondence from the same authorities, which most likely will also not have got opened...)

Anyway! Realizing how it was, I decided to go post the letter immediately (better late than never). Then I remembered that this is the week they will be taking down some mailboxes around here, and changing the times for emptying the rest of them... So I might have to go further than usual to find somewhere to post the letter. But since it was an exceptionally bright and clear Autumn day, why not bring my camera along, too, and go for a bit of a walk.

Now, I'm beginning to know where that leads to! Last weekend when my brother and I went on that walk with his dog - a Cairn terrier named Harry - I discovered that for me, my Camera has become my Dog! Harry the terrier runs along happily at good pace, then suddenly stops to sniff at something close to the ground, for quite a long time. Walking with Brother and Dog, I disovered that my own behaviour, when attached to Camera, is very much like Harry's... Suddenly I see a mushroom (or butterfly, depending on the time of year), and I have to stoop down and get a macro close-up shot (although I'm really not very good at stooping down). Harry, by the way, got very curious about my behaviour - whenever I stopped and stooped, he did so, too, to be sure he hadn't missed anything...


Brother and Dog, last weekend

Anyway. Back to today... As I said, I'm beginning to know where it leads to, taking the camera for a walk. I intend it to be a brisk 20 minutes. The camera gets quite other ideas. It's a hunting camera, it will want little flowers, and sun shining through yellow and red autumn leaves, and mirror images in water, and whatnot... So besides the camera, I packed a small thermos of tea, and a banana, or I might faint before I got home again (it was getting close to lunch time).

After posting the letter (hooray, the mailbox closest to me had not been taken down yet! - I only hope they also still empty it...) I walked on to a park with a lake where they also have a bird sanctuary. I walked all around the lake. This took me a very long time, because my camera went wild chasing birds. More than usual of the unusual ones seemed to be outside the fence today...


Couple of Swans

Then something happened that really made today rise way above a "typical" camera walk. A couple of strangers (human, not birds) came up to me and promoted me to wedding photograper! They were newly-weds, coming straight from the ceremony it seemed, for a little romantic walk in the park... I took four shots of them with their camera, which I'm afraid I can't show you. But then I sneaked one shot of them from behind with my own, as they were walking away from me, hand in hand... It's a little blurry, because I forgot to put it back from macro-mode. But quite nice anyway, I think.


Couple of Humans

I got home eventually, after stopping to get a hotdog on the way (tea and banana wasn't quite enough). With about 110 new photos in my camera, all taken today. All in all, in the month of September alone, I've been taking somewhere around 600 photographs. I've gone absolutely Nuts!!! Is there a cure?

Autumn Is Here

My kitchen table

Summer is over, autumn/fall is here, and it's been "one of those days"... I had to shop some groceries in the morning. Outside the rain was pouring down. I put on rubber boots, an extra sweater, a jacket, and on top of it all a plastic rain poncho. And I took the bus. I still got soaking wet before I was home again. Moreover, in the shop the scanner system was not working. I hardly remembered how to shop without it but somehow I succeeded. Except that I forgot one of the things on my list. Had to come up with something else for lunch, and will have to be inventive again for supper with friends this evening.

The first thing I did when I got back home was get into a hot shower. (Warm wet instead of cold wet.) Before I even unpacked the groceries!

Then I had a phone call from one of the nice home carers looking after my dad. She informed me about some things I need to buy for him. I can do that, but I don't know when or how I'll be able to get them out to him. She also said he said he has a dentist appointment next week and did I know anything about that? I did not. Arrangements have to be made to get him there. She said call X. I called X. X said call Y. I called Y. Y said call Z. I called Z. Someone informed me Z will be back on Monday. (Sorry, I don't have the time right now to come up with suggestions for titles för X,Y,Z or explain the exact complications involved...) I also called the dentist to explain without really being able to explain.

Now I'm hoping the evening will be better. My friend G (the one who still writes letters by hand) with husband B will arrive in the evening and stay the night before they go on to catch a ferry to Denmark tomorrow morning. They have about 3½ or 4 hours drive here and it's still raining hard. I know they are even more exhausted than I am to begin with, and have to get up early tomorrow morning, so we'll have to make it an early night too. We'll probably end up trying to talk twice as fast as normal...

I'll also probably be late with my Wordzzle story this weekend, if I manage to get it together at all. 

It has been an Orange Week at Soaring Through the World. If you're not already following, click the link to see lots of colourful pictures! The one above, of my kitchen table, I decided to put here instead. The table cloth in this photo has a pattern of oranges and lemons designed by Swedish artist Lena Linderholm. If you write her name into Google picture search, a lot of colourful paintings by her will show up!

Now I'm going to have a rest before my friends arrive...

PS. I'm really fascinated by the LinkWithin gadget I put in a couple of weeks back. The one that suggests "You might also like..." When I published this post, one of the links suggested was my earlier post  Too Many Things...

Back To Business

... That is, to sorting out the estate after my mother. Tomorrow we (my dad and I) have an appointment with an estate administrator from the firm of undertakers that helped us with the funeral. Since all goes to my dad, and there are no debts involved, and I have all the papers from their last income tax returns, it hopefully won't be too complicated. But one never knows.

There are still some things I feel unsure about. For example, I found a letter of "information" from a life insurance company, dated in February this year, addressed to my dad. In terms of information, it was a really useless letter, because it didn't say a thing about in what way my dad has business with this company. It just basically said last year was not the best of years because of the market, and happy new year to all new and old customers. Does he have an insurance there? Is he a shareholder? Do they just have him on their address list anyway? I have no idea, and he himself does not remember. And of course, when I tried to phone them, they could not tell me, because of their privacy policy. I respect that, sort of - but it does complicate things that I need a different power of attorney for each company, even to just find out whether my dad is a client there at all. *Sigh* (I'll ask the administrator tomorrow if perhaps he is allowed to find out?)

(Picture found through Google picture search.)

Phoning the Authorities

Welcome to the Tax Agency! Right now there are many people calling us. You will be put in a queue. 92 operators are working as fast as they can to answer your call. - You are number 104 in the queue. – tick tock – If you wish to order a brochure or a form, press 2 for our automatic service, or visit our website – tick tock – There is still a queue. You are number 99 in the queue. – tick tock – There is still a queue. You are number 87 in the queue. – tick tock – repeated messages, tick tock, etc etc – There is still a queue. You are number 4 in the queue. – You will now be connected to an operator. – Tax Agency, good m... – beep, beep, beep, beep… (=disconnected)

Starting over, going through the whole process again, finally getting through…

- Hello, I called two weeks ago and asked you to send a new income tax return form to my father, because he either never got one in the first place, or it has been mislaid. He has been ill for a while, you see, and has difficulties remembering and sorting things like this out for himself now. When I called you two weeks ago, we got a respite until the 15th , but since he has still not received the form, we have not been able to do anything about it.
- That sounds strange. Let me check. --- long silence --- Well, I'm sending another form today to his address. (No explanation what had happened to our previous request.)
- Can we get a prolonged respite? You see, I can't get there again before the 15th.
- Sorry, we cannot do that over the phone. But I can enclose a respite application form together with the tax form.
- But he won't know how to fill in that form either, or be able to get it sent off.
- Well, you will just have to write a comment in the comment box on the income tax return form then and explain the situation.

Now I'm sitting here wondering what exactly to write in the comment box, if I ever do get my hands on that form?

Due to circumstances beyond our control…
Due to your empty promises…
Due to your incompetent staff…
Due to your stupid rules…
Due to my father's medical history and whole row of different diagnoses…
Due to the story of my own life and present personal health and circumstances…

???