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Beyond the Lone Islands

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Feeling blank

We're still in a heat wave here. As usual, I feel like my brain ceases to work properly when the indoors temperature raises above 26 C. This afternoon we had thunder and rain and hail, the temperature outside went down a bit but instead the humidity increased. Trying to think of something to write, my mind still feels blank.

So I looked up "blank", and this is what I found:
blank, adjective 1. not marked or decorated. 2. not understanding or reacting.
noun 1. a space left to be filled in in a form 2. a situation in which you cannot understand or remember something 3. a gun cartridge with gunpowder but no bullet 4. a plain or unfinished object
verb 1. (blank out) hide or block out 2. (Brit. informal) deliberately ignore someone

Yes! That's exactly how I feel. All of it. There is still so much I need to do that is connected to my mother's death a month ago. A lot of forms left to be filled in, for example, quite literally. Things I have to understand and remember myself. Things to get my dad to understand and remember. Things to get other people to understand and remember. All sorts of projects started but left unfinished, by me and by others. Feelings to unblock. Questions and problems and people and forms I'm deliberately ignoring... And right now I feel like there's not even any gunpowder in my cartridge...

My mind feels blank. A short sentence that really says a lot!


Anonymous said...

It's a lot to absorb and have to deal with. Just take each day as it comes and only do what you feel like you can do and want to do. I know this might be hard to believe, but it will get better and easier for you. :) Aloha my friend

rae said...

I understand this feeling! Here's hoping ideas and excitement begin to color your life again soon.

Raven said...

I know how you feel. When my parents died I went through much the same process. And then I tried to rush through things as though if I didn't do everything the first day I would be failing them. Big mistake. I hope you give yourself time to process your feelings and just take your time with things. Hang in there. This too shall pass. At its own pace, unfortunately, but it will pass.


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